Can you maintain a vegan diet in seemingly non-vegan-friendly situations?
This is another post in a series about Becoming Vegan, meant to help those who are considering going vegan or who are new to the diet.
As I point out on my About page, I admit that I am not always 100% vegan. This may make some vegans uncomfortable and cry “fraud!”, but the truth is that when presented with situations where I’m either going to go without a meal or eat a bit of cheese or eggs, then I’m probably just going to eat the cheese or eggs. Yet, with a little advanced preparation you or I can have a vegan meal in many instances that may not be vegan-friendly otherwise. There are three situations that come to mind: a) at a restaurant, b) a catered meal at work or a conference and c) as a guest at someone’s house. Obviously, there are more than this, but these are your typically non-vegan places.
Before I tackle these three, though, I want to focus in on something that has stood out to me time and again, either about myself or others: it’s probably a good diplomatic gesture to not come across as the culinary jerk or know-it-all. You have chosen a diet that seems like the best idea for yourself, but it may not be the best diet for someone else. Veganism isn’t a religion, and you don’t need to try to convert omnivorous souls. The way you eat is a highly personal choice, and I’m not knocking how wonderful you feel now that you’ve been baptized into the vegan lifestyle, however you’re not going to win a lot of friends if you are the one at the party that makes a negative impact on the culinary mood. Bottom line – and this is only my personal opinion – don’t lay a guilt trip on your hosts. I’ve done it, and believe me, it’s not worth it. If you disagree, feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.
The Restaurant
The Vegan Dilemma
My absolute favorite is when a bunch of people decide that the best place to eat out at is a steak house. This is probably the worse place for a vegan to go, because it’s – you guessed it – all about the meat. The best you can do without any advance preparation is probably to get a baked potato, ask for margarine instead of butter if they have it, or get fries and a salad.
Vegan Solutions
The thing is, though, that more and more restaurants are becoming pretty vegan-friendly these days, and often without meaning to or realizing it. There are several things you can do at a restaurant to make sure you have plenty to eat.
- Not all pasta or bread have eggs or milk in them, but to be on the safe side you can ask, so oftentimes you can get a nice bowl of pasta with marinara sauce and a basket of bread.
- If you like salad, many restaurants can do killer salads without the cheese, ranch or butter infused croutons.
- If you have time, you can call ahead and ask if they can accommodate you.
- Some people choose to carry around cards in their wallet that outlines what they can and cannot eat, and leave it up to the chef to get creative.
The Catered Meal
The Vegan Dilemma
I hate these because it’s hard to find vegan food (and sometimes vegetarian) if you just show up without any advance preparation, and sadly am faced with these several times a year at work or conferences.
Vegan Solutions
While catered meals can be tricky for vegans, they are probably one of the easier situations to deal with in advance. Here are a couple of ideas.
- The number one best thing that you can do is have a chat or email with the person who is ordering the food. Your breakfast, lunch or dinner lies in their hands and they will only know to order a vegan dish if you let them know. You may also discover that your vegan dish is also one of the most popular. At my last job I got them to order salad along with pizza lunches, and people loved the salad and kept saying, “why haven’t we ordered this before?” Seriously.
- The alternative is that you can also bring your own meal or snack. You’ll probably be asked why you’re not eating everybody else’s food, so depending on the type of person you are, you can answer their question as honestly as possible or you can be discreet about it. I have gone both ways, sometimes making the person feel awkward or just making me look weird, but often the conversation goes well. Ultimately, you should just say what feels appropriate, but again – don’t be the culinary jerk.
The Homecooked Meal
The Vegan Dilemma
This one is probably the most challenging, because as a guest at someone else’s house you may commit more than one faux pas if you refuse to eat what they have prepared. This is probably the situation that deserves the most sensitivity on your part, so tread carefully.
Vegan Solutions
This can also be the most satisfying of situations for both you and your host, so take advantage of some of these ideas.
- When you are first invited to a meal that you’d like to attend, you can let your host know that you have special dietary concerns. I’d suggest letting them know either when they ask or via email. You can say something like, “Thank you so much for inviting me. I am very excited about coming over! I just wanted to let you know that I am vegan, which means I choose to not eat any animal products.”
- If they are not sure how to create food that you will be comfortable eating, consider sharing a few websites or blogs that will have a variety of vegan recipes for them to choose from.
- Offer to bring one or two vegan dishes that you think everyone might enjoy, which may make it easier on your host. That way, they can concentrate on making a couple of vegan side dishes, which is sometimes less of a chore for them.
In the end, with a little preparation, you can still maintain a vegan diet no matter the situation. Of course, not everyone knows as much about the vegan diet as you do. In all of these situations, from the steak house to the catered meal at work to your Aunt Betsy’s dinner, your host may tell you triumphantly that what you are eating is 100% vegan, when in fact it’s not. But remember, sometimes it is really the thought that counts. My biggest piece of advice for you is, just as your host aims to be gracious, so should you be a gracious guest no matter which of these situations you find yourself in.
Action Step
Think ahead to when you will be in one of these situations or a similar one, and do one or more of the things I’ve suggested (calling ahead, taking your own food, suggesting websites with vegan recipes, etc.). Make sure you’re both tactful and respectful. If someone goes out of their way to help you, make sure you thank them for their efforts.
Question
If you are already vegan, how do you handle these types of situations? Do you agree or disagree with any of my suggestions?
Loading ...
Terry S on 
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post! And I enjoyed reading the comments from others, as well.
I’m a newby vegan (since January this year) and am learning how to speak out at restaurants. I’ve found that, in most cases, the server will answer just about any question I have, and if they don’t know, they’ll ask in the kitchen. I’ve even been impressed a few times by servers who made the connection with my “no cheese, no mayo” and pointed out that something was cooked in a meat broth and suggested alternatives. Needless to say, they got good tips.
Having dinner at another’s house can be tricky, and it really depends on the situation. I just attended a potluck with some friends, and beforehand I mentioned becoming vegan, and just about all the dishes there were vegan. I told them I didn’t expect anyone to cater to my needs, and they made an effort to make just little changes, and it really meant a lot.
On the other hand, if we’re having dinner with my in-law’s, I DEFINITELY bring my own food, and just for me (my husband’s an omni). Case in point: we went over for dinner a few weeks back, and they were eating a ham and cheese-covered has browns. That’s it. No veggies, even. Ideally, I’d like to be able to have dinner with them and pick and choose parts of the meal, most definitely withholding from having any meat. But when that’s what they’re eating, I can’t bring myself to be the good guest and eat what I’m given. So in that case, I’m quite happy with my edamame and brown rice with tahini sauce.
When we can, we offer to bring salad fixings or a bag full of fruit for a fruit salad, and thankfully my mother-in-law is starting to think ahead and take out some pasta for me before she mixes the meat in, and other things like that.
My husband’s grandmother’s birthday is coming up this weekend, and we’ll be at her birthday dinner, which will include lasagna, garlic bread, and other such things. I’ve decided to grin and bear it, and just pick out any meat in the lasagna, and eat small portions of whatever else. I can bring myself to be a nuisance around my husband’s parents, but not around his grandmother.
So for me, everything is a case-by-case basis. Sorry for writing a novel! :-)
I maintain a plant based diet almost exclusively. The exceptions are always when invited to dinner. I have always considered it rude and elitist to suggest to a host/ hostess that I have dietary preferences. I prefer to influence people subtly by choosing “no thank you portions” and commenting positively on the vegetable sides. Nothing initiates negative stereotypes like a fanatic fundamentalist of any kind. I find that people ask more questions and are receptive to plant based nutrition information when they observe obvious avoidance behavior.
Restaurants are another challenge that I consider an opportunity. When given a vote, I have always vetoed “steak houses”. I choose restaurants that, while they are not “vegan” or “vegetarian”, do not identify solely with the consumption of meat.
If the goal is to positively influence and educate the general population for the betterment of our environment and the common good of all beings, it cannot be gained by hitting less conscious individuals over the head with a sledge hammer. Labels are also counter productive. In our small bar/ restaurant located in a very small community, I NEVER label “vegan” or “vegetarian” food offerings as such. They are labeled “plant based” or defined by their lack of negatives such as cholesterol and saturated fat. These offerings are highly popular and people are surprised and pleased when they are told after finishing a meal they truly enjoyed, that they consumed no meat, poultry, fish or dairy. I love doing that. A friend of mine calls it “stealth nutrition”. :-) Every effort counts and baby steps are true progress. Each time someone orders one of these selections is one less meat/ dairy meal consumed. Though I have a personal conflict with continuing to offer meat and dairy on the menu, going out of business would eliminate any opportunity to influence.
My daughters – who just finished their 3 week “vegan challenge”- have opted to continue what they have started. They just bought me “Vegan Yum Yum” and I’m truly enjoying the book and the pictures. It is one of a growing collection.
I’ve been a litle lax in keeping up on my blog subscriptions, but want to comment anyway.
Hmmmm ….. I can totally see going vegan for health reasons. That’s great. But I can’t see staying vegan for health reasons. It’s like–another diet you can cheat on … unless animal products cause you debilitating pain as in some instances of IBS and Chrons. Plus I don’t get how anyone who goes vegan for health reasons doesn’t, in their journeys on the Web, looking for wonderful cruelty-free recipes, doesn’t come across a substantial amount of ethics-based reasoning to go vegan. I think it’s great when people go vegan, for any reason. I just wonder if it’s a permanent change if it’s done for reasons other than the animals.
Samantha, I LOVE your recipes! Keep at it! :)
Thanks for jumping in Ivy – this is a tough subject to tackle!
I understand what you’re saying, and I do admit that I cheat on my vegan diet from time to time. That said, I am a very conscious eater as far as the food industry goes and prefer to get my food from sustainable and/or organic sources if I can help it.
But to more specifically address your point about not being able to stay vegan for health reasons… I think that it really does depend upon each individual case. I haven’t really gone into my health issues which drove me to become a vegan, however I can tell you that I would much rather be vegan than to have to experience those health issues. I may go into them more specifically at some point, but I can assure you that when faced with enough physical discomfort, there’s no reason to completely revert from a diet that you find works to one that can actually negatively affect your quality of life. When I cheat, I am not fully immune to the effects of dairy, but it’s nothing like what I would experience if I were consuming it full time.
It’s hard for me to say that without the health issues I would stay vegan because of the ethics of dairy/egg/meat production. I hate the exploitation of animals, but it is such a challenging issue in so many ways. I have many friends who are passionate about eating locally and feel they are doing a positive thing by supporting the animal food production of small, local farms. They vigorously say that they are doing the “right” thing even though we as vegans or vegetarians may cry “murder”. They also bring up the argument that humans are not meant to be vegans, which I’m sure you’ve heard. Anyway, I have no answers on this sensitive topic – it only brings up more questions for me. But it’s a topic I’m willing to discuss for sure!
“I’ve done it, and believe me, it’s not worth it. If you disagree, feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.”
Well, you asked…
I think you don’t understand vegans who are vegan for ethical reasons, and you’re certainly not one yourself. If you were, you would realize that the products you buy to eat in a capitalist system is not just a “personal choice”. Right now, it’s legal to kill animals for food, and that’s certainly not a personal choice – unless you think that animals have no personhood whatsoever. In a capitalist society where that’s legal, buying/eating animals is giving power to the people who kill them – the blood is effectively on your hands. That’s why it’s not a personal choice.
If you do claim to be a vegan for ethical reasons, then you’re just a coward who places social convenience above following what you think is right. But, no matter what you claim, you’re putting social convenience above the lives of innocent animals when you compromise your veganism in the ways you described. That’s exactly what meat eaters do. No wonder you’re fitting in!
Thanks for your comment Nick. I can see that if you do come at your vegan diet from an ethical standpoint, it is harder to compromise. It seems that if you are a vegan for ethical reasons, but do choose to compromise for the sake of your host, then it may be easier to eat animal products if you know that whatever you are eating came from a more ethical food process (i.e. a local farm with organic/sustainable practices). Even that may be very difficult for someone to do if they are vegan because they do not believe in the exploitation of animals period, and I respect a person’s choice to not eat the animal products that their host has prepared if they feel that is the best for them. However, I do think that it is important to not just consider the animals, but the people who have worked hard to prepare a meal that they hope that you will eat and enjoy. Your host, no matter what they put on the table, may not have the same viewpoint on food as you do, so even the vegan dishes could come from unsustainable sources (conventional corn, wheat, soybeans, etc.).
While it may seem a cop-out to go ahead and have the dairy or the eggs, I don’t agree. For me, this is when the diet becomes a religion and hurt feelings are easier to come by. This is not about me saving face (and I am sorry if I did not communicate that well in my post), but rather preserving the dignity/well-being of the host. Because I have been given many a guilt-trip, and have freely handed them out to people I eat with, I have come to the personal realization that by practicing that type of behavior I am doing far more damage to people than I would have if I had eaten their souffle or cheesecake.
You are correct – I am a vegan for primarily health reasons (and I was raised vegetarian), but I do feel very strongly about the ethical practices of the food industry. Just read my review of Food, Inc. that I posted a few weeks ago. However, my belief is that everyone has the right to choose how to eat, even those who buy into a system that mass produces McNuggets and corn syrup. Do I wish that people would be more ethical in their food choices? Absolutely. Should I be more ethical in my own food choices? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I think that when faced with an unsustainable and non-vegan friendly meal, you are also faced with a situation that is not black and white, but many shades of gray.
Nick,
Unless you are growing all your food, and typing this message on a computer that doesn’t come from the military industrial complex I would suggest that you’re arguing both from a position of hypocrisy, and ignorance.
We make choices every day that have an impact on our environment, from transportation, to vegetables that are harvested using fossil fuels, to clothes that are made of materials that are both harvested and sewn by people making less than a living wage. This of course isn’t to mention that you choose to spew your vitriol through a machine that is full of toxic, non-recyclable poisons and is fueled most likely from coal which is also responsible for acid rain, air pollution, and the death of more animals.
The thing is I respect your position, and it’s sincerely inspiring to see people like yourself who are keenly aware of the impact they make on the environment. But what bothers me (and I think undermines our shared argument for sustainability) is the extreme self-righteous hypocrisy in arguments like you’ve made above.
Following your logic to its extreme, blood is on your hands as much as the CEOs of the military industrial complex through which most animals die.
This argument is absurd. I certainly do not think that all actions in the military industrial complex are equal – and unless you are typing this comment in a cave, hand made clothes, and telepathically I’d suggest you yourself are more reasonable than your abusive ranting makes you out to be.
I am really lucky, all of my Omni friends and family know I’ve vegan, so ussually they always try to go someplace to accomodate me. I known as a fairly decent cook as well, so I’m ussually asked to bring something along. As far as catered in work meals I always bring my own just in case there isn’t an option I can eat. There is one other vegan at my work, so we get to be “weird” together.
I totally agree about not trying to convert people, we can all make our own minds up right?… but i always find that people can be really judgemental about what you eat if you tell them you’re vegan / veggie (I think they expect you to judge them for eating meat so they get in there first!!)
I always get the ‘if you were gonna starve and there was only meat around, would you eat it?’ and then the ‘HA! youre a fake!! You shouldn’t do that!’ when i say i probably would…
Does anyone else get this reaction??? It only bothers me because i’d never criticise anyone for what they chose to / not to eat – sometimes i just want to eat in peace:)
You know, I haven’t had anything like that said to my face – at least not in a vitriolic way, but I have definitely had people tell me this online. It’s frustrating to say the least. My suggestion would be to try to not let it turn into an argument, because you’ll only have two upset and defensive people who have a hard time coming to a consensus. It’s not really a valid argument against you anyway when you are presented with a black and white situation. Most of us are not in those situations where we have to choose one type of thing to eat or we’ll starve. Most of us have a choice to survive on veggies and/or meat. :)
I recently stayed at Yogaville, ashram of the former Swami Satchidananda. They serve all vegan foods (quite deliceous as well) much of it grown on their own farm.
Saturday evening, they showed a video of a talk the Swami gave back in 1995 (I know, I thought it would be weird too) to a class of yoga teacher trainees. He asked them what they would say to their mother when they returned home a vegan, and she had prepared a nice pork dinner to celebrate their visit.
Ultimately, his point was that eating a little non-vegan food that was prepared with love was OK, but to hurt your “mommy’s” feelings would be a terrible act! He was quite funny in his delivery. He went on to offer pointers on how to handle things so as not hurt feelings while not eating the meat.
Ahimsa applies to the host as well as the animal!
Sounds like a really interesting video! As a former vegetarian, it’s easier for me to eat dairy/eggs at someone’s house, but never being one who has been an omnivore, I do have to draw the line at meat. But I definitely want to always do what I can to make my host feel good about all their hard work.
I actually enjoy bringing food to parties and watching everybody gobble them up. I always take a terrible pleasure in dropping the “V-bomb” *nyucknyuck*
I have had many requests for the recipes used, which I am happy to share, although, as Ricki stated, it’s not my job to convert people….
btw, I happen to LOVE going to steakhouses and have always loved to go there (if they’d just stop selling dead animals *sigh*) BECAUSE of their great salad buffets. I have always been a bit “strange” and have always carried a glass of homemade creamy soygurt dressing with me, when going there… Italian restaurants however tend to be difficult over here in Germany, – their pasta has yolks, the pizza dough eggs and milk…. I find it harder to be content with my salad there because, – well I enjoy vegan pizza and pasta so much and sitting around with greens between my teeth while everyone is eating what is so easily and tastily veganizable… that is REAL torture to me… (though if my family were meat-eaters, the whole steakhouse story would be different for me to, I think, – but not because of my lustin for some pasta ranmirrnarra but because of the ickyness on their p(a)lates….
I agree with you – it’s fun to make something that doesn’t taste vegan and impress people. A lot of people have misconceptions about what vegan is and think it must be a blah and bland diet. It’s nice to be the ones to change their minds on that. :)
Great post. I agree that it’s not my job to convert people. I’ve also had to bring my own food to a friend’s house, but that doesn’t bother me at all–they usually love what I bring! And the steak house example made me smile, as my honey and I just went out to a steak house the other night because he wanted steak (which, of course, I don’t cook at home). I ended up having a great salad, sweet potato fries and steamed asparagus–virtually the only things on the menu I could eat with all my dietary restrictions! Surprisingly filling, though!
I’ve not found a lot of very good food at steak houses, but maybe it depends on the restaurant!