The van’s doors were open, and several bags of contraband were heaped in the back, all taped up in clear plastic bags. A few of them had already been transferred to a waiting wheelbarrow. Tarquin was looking around furtively as another bear wearing faded Levi’s and a BEARZONE T-shirt cut open a packet of the contraband and carefully drew out a spoonful. He sniffed it suspiciously, mixed it with milk and heated it over a lighter before adding some brown sugar and salt, then sipping the result.
“This is good,” he said at last in a deep voice, making a few lip-smacky noises. “How much you got?”

-The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde

Reading Jasper Fforde’s novels is like watching Monty Python or a Leslie Nielsen film (Naked Gun movies come to mind) – the comedy is cheesy and completely funny, but mostly the language and dialog are clearly representative of a writer who loves wordsmithing.

I am no expert wordsmith myself, but whenever I read one of his novels I know that I am in for a very entertaining and satisfying read. The Fourth Bear was no exception – and this one left me trying to figure out which food to focus on for the blog.

First there were the prize-winning cucumbers, then the highly-sought after porridge, and finally the diabolical Gingerbread Man. There was also the diesel – but yeah, not so much.

I was very tempted to make ginger cookies, but realizing I was low on a couple of ingredients I decided to make porridge, for which I was amply supplied. According to the Internet, porridge can be made out of a variety of grains including, but not limited to, rice, barley, oats, and quinoa. I decided on the traditional steel cut oats.

I’ll admit that I am not the biggest oatmeal fan, so I took it as a challenge to myself to figure out how to make oatmeal that would make me craving for more. What resulted was a very creamy oatmeal with the appropriate amount of sweetness.

Prohibition Porridge

• 1 tablespoon butter (I used Soy Garden, which is vegan)
• 1 cup steel cut oats
• 3 cups water
• 1 cup milk (I used Silk, also vegan)
• Nuts, raisins, brown sugar, and agave nectar to taste

Melt the vegan butter in a medium-sized or large pan on low heat, and stir the steel cut oats into the melted butter. Stir the oats for a couple of minutes, toasting them on the low heat (increase the heat a little if necessary).

Add the 3 cups of water and stir. Leave it on low heat for about 25 – 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Your oatmeal will still be a little watery at this point, so no fear, it’s not done yet. Stir in the non-dairy milk. Let it continue for another 15 – 20 minutes, but keep an eye on it so that it doesn’t burn the bottom of the pan. Sample it as you get closer to the end to make sure it has cooked enough and is the consistency that you want.

Take it off the heat, pour some into a bowl, and add brown sugar, agave, raisins, or nuts depending on what you prefer. I added a sprinkling of brown sugar, about 1 tablespoon agave nectar, a few raisins, and some pecan pieces.

I enjoyed my bowl of oatmeal quite well. I don’t know if it could ever earn “illegal substance” status, but I will likely make it again. Next time, though, I think I will add more raisins and stir them in so that they can plump up a little. I also think that this would be great made with almond milk.