Stopping off for gas, I realized that I had not yet fulfilled part of rule #11: beef jerky, so I spent five bucks on a large bag of Oberto brand jerky. It looked like tree bark but smelled like a dead animal that had been left outside for a few weeks. I hadn't tried the stuff in years, actually, since it's expensive, and to be honest, I always associated beef jerky with the suburban/redneck element of my hometown, which was an element that I had spent most of my postsurburban New Yorker-subscribing life distancing myself from. Still, on this morning I was hungry, the sack of jerky was on the passenger side, and with Rush blaring on the car radio, I decided to try it. And Oh My Ever-Loving God. It went straight to my bloodstream. I was flying. This was the best thing I had ever tasted! If this was what conservatives ate, I was ready to sign up for the John Birch Society right then and there.

-Conservatize Me [1] by John Moe

When a book has me visibly laughing or weeping while on the subway, you know that it has grabbed me. I try to maintain a normal composure since I am in public so as to not seem like I've lost my mind (at least for my own benefit), so laughing usually winds up being more like smirking. I smirked often throughout Conservatize Me [2]. I tend to be more left-leaning myself, although I wouldn't consider myself a complete liberal, so I respected John Moe's self-inflicted month of immersion in the politically conservative culture.

The full title of the book is Conservatize Me: How I Tried to Become a Righty with the Help of Richard Nixon, Sean Hannity, Toby Keith, and Beef Jerky [3], so from the outset I knew that I would be making jerky. Since I am vegan, it would wind up being tofu jerky. I had planned on making a couple of different kinds of jerky - one out of tofu and one out of seitan, but I had already been cooking a couple of other things and fell back on what would be easier.

I usually buy jerky, whether it is Primal Strips [4] or Tofurky Jurky [5], but on occasion I will make my own, inspired by Susan Voisin's Baked Tofu [6]. This time I decided I wanted a little more flavor, so I added some spices to the marinade.

Conservative Jerky

• 1 lb. extra firm tofu, drained, then cut into thin strips
• 1/4 cup soy sauce or Bragg's Liquid Aminos [7] (I used a little bit of both)
• Black pepper, garlic powder, and Garlic Gourmay's Killer Cajun [8] to taste
• 1 tsp. light cooking oil

After cutting the tofu into strips, place them into a plastic or glass container. Mix the soy sauce and spices together and then pour over the tofu strips (don't worry if the liquid does not cover the strips). Cover the container with a lid and place in the refrigerator for a few hours (I let mine sit for about four or five hours).

Preheat the oven to 200 - 250 degrees F. To reduce clean up time, cover the top of a cookie sheet with tin foil then brush the foil with the light cooking oil. Place the tofu strips on the sheet in a single layer, and then place in the oven.

Check the strips in about 30 minutes. Take them out of the oven and turn over all of the strips, and then put them back in the oven for another 20 to 30 minutes. The time in the oven is really dependent upon how tough you like your jerky. It also varies depending on how thick the slices are. The thicker the slices, the less tough they will be.

If you don't eat the jerky right away, you can use the same foil that you used to cover the cookie sheet to store the jerky in the refrigerator.

My initial reaction to this batch was that it was too salty. I should have just used Bragg's or used a lesser amount of regular soy sauce. The Killer Cajun spice also had salt in it, so it might have been better if I had used cayenne or chili pepper. It was still pretty good, though, and my husband declared it good. Next time maybe I'll try making seitan jerky.